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The Sleek Scientist

Work and Play

4/27/2015

My lease is up September 1st.
Then I will be out of South Jersey, I'm not sure where, but wherever that "where" is won't be my little apartment that has housed me the past 8 months.
Upon this realization I decided I must make the most of my current location, allotting my time appropriately to studying, and, well...exploring.
Finals have begun and will continue through May 13th. In undergrad I remember finals with a sense of anxiety: a million papers to write, tests I was unprepared for, and a seemingly endless amount of projects that all needed to be completed within a matter of days. I don't feel nearly as anxious this go-about. Yes, I'll stress and study feverishly the next couple weeks...but the projects and papers are done, and I've been studying all semester...not much changes.
Since the last couple weekends were my last that I could take longer breaks from studying I took advantage of the free time and decided to go on a few adventures.
The first was to DC. A few friends from the program and I drove down and stayed in Alexandria, Virginia for the weekend. We went to DC for the Cherry Blossoms and saw great sights, ate delicious food, and tried funky bars along the way.
My favorite foods were DC chains "&Pizza" and "District Taco". We all know how I feel about pizza and Tacos.
We also got to walk around Old Town Alexandria Saturday evening and Sunday. It was a quaint little town, though I was almost too exhausted from muscling through the DC tourists to enjoy it.
So far, my outfits this spring have included (and basically been limited to) high waisted maxi skirts and crop tops. I didn't notice until cropping these photos that all three outfits were quite similar...
Here's one from DC:

You are unlikely to ever see me wearing a crop top if it's not paired with something high waisted. It's an optical illusion....
Top- Joyce Leslie $10
Skirt-Target $10
Shoes-Madden Girl (Amazon) $22.00

The past 2 weekends I explored Philly after Sunday Brunches. I want to see these cities in the daylight! Get to know them for more than the nightlife. I'm taking advantage of the $6.00 roundtrip train that leaves a couple blocks away from my apartment and takes me wherever in The City of Brotherly Love.

Top-Annie Sez $10.00
Skirt-H&M $10.00

& Yesterday for brunch, Reading Terminal Market, and China Town:

My friend Tran thought this was a cool pic of the brunch place!

Top-Tobi $22.00
Skirt-Target $20.00
Necklace-Lucky

April 08th, 2015

4/8/2015

My goodness, it has been nearly a month. I am really slackin'.
In a whirlwind of events I don't know where to begin; I'll simply share a few things I wore and promise to post more often in these upcoming weeks.
Well, that's going to be difficult, because I'm in wardrobe PANIC.
Dressing for fall and winter comes quite easily for me. As soon as I have to put away the boots, jackets, scarves, and cardigans I tend to self combust.
I'm going to try REALLY hard to dress nicely this spring and summer, but I'm not great at it. In fact, I think it's a little bit difficult to find cute clothing (that won't lead to heat stroke) that doesn't look completely hooch.
I also think I'm not trying hard enough. I am, however, looking forward to those breezy pants, maxi skirts/dresses, and bathing suit + cover up combos.
As I journey into this warm-weather fashion world that is somehow almost foreign to me please bare with the potential faux pas and give me honest feedback as necessary.
For the last of the cold weather, here are some outfits I chose:

Transition-esque.

This was one of those saw-it-and-had-to-have-it purchases. I mean, it's a shark shirt. Couldn't wait until shark week. It will resurface come August without a doubt.
H&M $13.00

Went to the 'ol stomping grounds for a friend's birthday last Friday evening. We went to a bar, Porta, that we used to go to all the time in college. Of course, I snuck away to check out the new Beer Garden in Asbury Park. I am so sad that they opened a beer garden after I graduated. Well, come to think of it, it's probably for the better...
Top-Necessary Clothing $8.00
Skirt-Joyce Leslie $10.00
Shoes-Madden Girl (Amazon) $22.00

My Easter was spent studying, for the most part, because I had an exam Monday. I had exams the whole week before as well. I am currently writing a research paper and have a presentation due Thursday. It's not too bad though. Call me a freak--but I missed writing research papers. Ten pages is nothing, and when you actually learn from what you're writing everyone wins!
The time I took off from studying Sunday I got to spend having brunch with my dad's side of the family. They had dinner with my mom's side; I had left over chinese and a whole bunch of memorization ;)
The skirt is springy, right?!
Target-$23.00

Wisdom Tooth Woes

3/9/2015

I am lucky enough to proclaim that I have never had surgery before. For the most part I've been a text-book picture of health my entire life. My immune system is on fleek (did I use that correctly? Trying to keep up with pop culture...) and aside of seasonal allergies and a recurring broken ankle that terrorized ten years of my life I think I've been doing okay. I combat the allergies by eating local honey and I've strengthened my ankle immensely by taking a more holistic/therapeutic approach in order to avoid ever having to get surgery. I balance running and strengthening on opposing days of the week....working in physical therapy has taught me a lot of exercises to get my once sub-par ankle strength up to marathon-running performance. It has an ugly bone that protrudes out of it...but in this scenario I choose quality over aesthetics. Can't have it all, ankle, can't have it all...
I digress...
Going into wisdom tooth extraction I did not know how my body would react. From what I've noticed, basically everyone gets their's out in their college years with minimal side effects. It's just a part of life...you grow up and get teeth ripped out of your mouth. Obviously.
For lack of dental insurance and lack of urging pain I put off the extraction until this month when I noticed, while late-night studying, that my mouth was swollen, painful, and suffering the intrusion of the oh-so-elusive wisdom teeth. I would've put off the extraction to spring break; I do not, however, have spring break so I opted to get them out on a Friday...hoping desperately to be back to class by Monday.
I was not so fortunate.
A scheduling mishap pushed the surgery to Tuesday. Me, never surgically touched, opted just to have the procedure performed with novocain. Sans laughing gas, approximately an hour into the hacking, drilling, and mumbling of the oral surgeon about how "tightly compacted and complicated" my teeth were I began to regret my decision.
Clearly, I live to tell the tale.
I thought, though, that I would be back to normal in a day or two. I have a very high pain tolerance, I consider myself extremely resilient, and I believe 90% of healing/staying healthy is mental. Well, on Friday I still looked like THIS:

Okay, I uploaded a photo and then changed my mind because it's too horrifying. I'll leave it to your imagination. Just know, not pretty. Not pretty at all.

I attempted to keep up with classes online while icing my face in bed.
Aside of a bit of a hunger-induced-emotional melt-down, the recovery wasn't too bad.
(I hadn't eaten in 36 hours, so avoided the pain killers, and went downstairs to serve myself some ice-cream when I found my brother eating the last of it out of the carton with a spoon...I was not pleased)

My friends were kind enough to smuggle in (contraband!) chicken soup, ice-cream and shamrock shakes. My mom pureed soups for me and was even a good sport and I hangrily demanded Boston Market mashed potatoes.

I still am avoiding solids after and incident on Saturday leaving me with slight PTSD:
I finally got out and about Saturday for my friend Jess's birthday. Her parents took us into the city to see Fish in the Dark. After, we dined at Carmine's. My love for food and roaring hunger after 5 days of soft foods lead me to lunge at the first site of the shrimp appetizer. Bad idea. A chunk got caught in my wisdom-tooth-hole and did not pop out until a couple hours later as I drove home. Worst part, it still tasted good. Okay, best part. Still, I spit it out, horrified, and I write this as I drink a smoothie for breakfast in hopes that I will be completely healed soon..but not risking anything getting caught in that gross mouth pocket again. I'm sorry, TMI I'm sure.
To the play on Saturday I wore:

Chambray Top-Forever 21 $20.00
Skirt- Tobi.com $21.00 (50% off)
Booties-Cotton On $30.00
Tights-Target $10.00
Belt-H&M $6.00

Anyways, off to the library now. I have much catching up to do!

March

3/2/2015

Good Morning and Happy March!
Today is a special day as it is my little sister's 21st birthday! I'm not down in Florida to drag her out and buy her her first legal (gluten free, vegan) drink. We'll celebrate when New Jersey finally warms up and she comes home for the summer.
Speaking of home, I am writing from my kitchen counter as I drink my soy-milk-creamed coffee as my mom mumbles to herself while creating some extravagant vegan/raw concoction in her blender.
I do like to come home on the weekends to help out with my nephew (I miss him terribly during the week), but I was also supposed to get my wisdom teeth extracted this past Friday. Unfortunately, there was a scheduling mishap and I won't be able to have them removed until Tomorrow. I hate, hate, hate to miss class. Even though attendance isn't necessarily required I feel almost guilty if I don't go. Plus, I get so much more out of being in class than I do when I simply listening to the recordings. I like to do both. I'll try to keep up with the recordings and head back the day after surgery so I'll hopefully only have to miss two classes. Besides, I'm only doing the surgery with novocaine.....trying to take it like a man...ya know ;)
I have things to figure out while I'm home. I need a new car and a hair cut. I know those don't seem like they're the same level of pertinence but I am beginning to look like Darth Vader again so my hair needs to be chopped ASAP for mine and planet earth's sake.
Plus, my sister can use my help right now as my nephew just had his adenoids removed because they were causing him a 90% airway blockage and terrible sleep apnea. Poor baby is a mess right now! We'll both be snugging and eating ice pops tomorrow.
This past week I had exams, I was highly pleased with my first grade, but waiting on the other 3 is killing me (of course!). It's sometimes tough having more exams than my fellow classmates (when they're all freaking out about Tuesday or Wednesday I still have Monday to freak out about) because I know they have more time to study...but I completely chose this for myself, and I can handle it. I have a couple other students in the same boat as well. I just have to be more efficient studying throughout the semester, not just right before. And I'll be done with my masters by the end of August, voila!

I'm completely ready for spring, so my cold weather outfits are seeming a bit grim and less-inspired. Of course, when the weather gets too warm I'll completely panic on how to dress fashionably without looking half naked. Oh, the struggles we face....

I would normally never wear this coral color before spring has sprung, but I am really itching for brightness. The pink pout and vibrantly colored sweater may have been the only that got me through the mid-exam week meltdown. Well, the fact that my friend took me out to a rescue post-exam pre-study sushi dinner definitely helped.
Sweater-Francesca's $20.00
Scarf-Ebay $2.00
Boots-Hunter

I wore these cargo pants to orientation (which was in July...I'm really pushing the weather) oh, the memories....
Sweater-H&M $20.00
Cargos-Marshalls $15.00
Necklace-Lucky

See, when my hair is long enough to put in a bun it's WAY too long.
I just don't know where to get a haircut for a decent price that will look okay....short hair is so tough!
Top-H&M $3.00
Jacket-Century 21 $36.00
Jeans-H&M $10.00
Necklace-Lucky
Booties-Cotton On $30.00

Happy GALentine's Day!

2/13/2015

If anyone reading this watches Parks and Rec you'll know EXACTLY what I'm talking about. Galentine's Day: February 13th, a day dedicated to eating junk food and watching movies with your girls. Last year there was a huge snowstorm; my friend and I were snuggled in with ample food. I believe I had just taken the MCAT, and had been snowed out of work, so we were in total relaxation mode.
I can't deny...I've started my GALentine's off in true tradition by eating pizza for breakfast. I've been eating so healthy lately, but after completing my first exam of this semester last night a couple of girls from class and I ordered pizza. Maybe it's not appropriate pre-work out eats, but it's certainly Galentine's day tradition.
This weekend doesn't promise anything romantic, just a whole lot of studying mixed with babysitting. As most weekends are. But, as I've mentioned, I love studying. Sure, sometimes I feel like I miss out on some family stuff or other events when I spend my days with the books. I just know (hope!) one day it'll all be worth it. Plus, I think it's important to learn every day of your life and I plan to continue to study something, anything, every week for the rest of my life. There's so much to learn and experience, we just have to be open to it and willing to take the time to improve ourselves.
I have a week between now and a row of 3 exams. It's crunch time. In my System's Biology course I've found that I really love learning about the cardiovascular system. I had learned about it in undergrad in Anatomy and Physiology, but never in this depth. It's definitely tough, but it's so much easier to tackle tough material when it's interesting to you. I know my interest in cardio (and most things medical) comes from my grandpa...thanks, Popsie!
I haven't posted all week, but it has just been filled with the usual: gym, studying, meetings, class, babysitting. My roommate and I joined LA Fitness. This has been nice because we force each other to get up and go every morning, start our days early, and have ample time to study before class. I totally got swindled into purchasing a personal training package. Upon realizing how expensive it was for such a little amount of training time, and how I totally can't afford that if I'd like to be able to eat this semester, I cancelled it. My road to a stronger core is going to have to be a lonely one...but I think I'm getting there. I just can't wait until it gets warm again and I can run outside! My neighbor and I ran outside last Sunday when it was in the 40s, which was a complete tease because today it's 18 degrees. The treadmill will suffice....my guilty pleasure is watching "The Bachelor" or "The Mindy Project" while I run. I'm not sure if anyone else is this way, but when the endorphins start flowing a few miles into a run I feel hyperemotional....not in a crazy way. More like, I was watching the season 6 finale of Parks and Rec (which I hadn't seen) on the treadmill Wednesday and when Mouse Rat started singing "Bye, Bye Little Sebastian" I almost started crying. Like, am I okay? Why am I so emotional about a TV band singing about a pony? I would never have been emotional about that while sitting on the couch. I only really watch TV when I'm exercising, which probably skews my view of it because of the endorphins/hyper-emotions.
I reveal way too much about myself on here.
In other news, I'm still waiting to hear back from admissions; I'm just hoping and praying. It's on my mind a lot and I'm feeling very discouraged as it's getting so late in the cycle. It's difficult working so hard for something over many years, and wanting something more than you've ever wanted or will ever want anything, but not knowing when or if you will get it. I've worked so so hard to get to this point, overcame many obstacles, and continue to work daily to achieve my goals. For now I'll continue to pray and work my hardest to get where I want to be. I guess that's all I can do :).
OKAY, outfits:
I couldn't decide between the furry vest or the blue vest on this one, but both were comfy, warm and simple:

White Tee-H&M $12.00
Scarf-Canal Street $5.00
Green Pants-H&M $10.00
Furry Vest-Cotton On $10.00

The only thing that's new here is the necklace...$1.00 H&M :)

This top has me itchin' for spring. My Mom bought it for my from Francesca's when we went shopping one day as I tried to sleek-ify her work wardrobe. The top was $13.00

Another Clearance top from Francesca's! $15.00
Pants-H&M $7.00
Navy Flats-Lucky
I wore this out to dinner with my Aunt and Uncle Sunday night. I'm so blessed to have such a close family :)

Can you tell this is my favorite scarf?? Thanks for making it for me, Shannon!

How ME is this shirt?? I got called out for eating salad every day for lunch and wearing this while doing so...but life's about balance! I'm all about my burgers, especially on GALentine's. I had to pick up 3 pizzas for meeting while wearing this shirt....the looks I got were priceless.
Tank-GIFT from Olivia :)
Sneaks-H&M $13.00
Hoodie-H&M $20.00

Last but not least, I wore this to my exam yesterday:

I got the typical "Why are you dressed that way for an exam?" comments. I'll say it again, confidence! Look good, feel good, do well! Give your events the dignity they deserve by dressing well for them :)
Top-Francesca's (again!) $15.00
Necklace-H&M $5.00
Jeans-Annie Sez $20.00
Flats-H&M $12.00

Just DO it

2/2/2015

There are few better feelings than coming home to a 2 year old who is ecstatic to see you. This past weekend was my nephew, Des's, second birthday! I love when I come home on the weekend and he sees me for the first time and yells, "HESSSSSSSSS" (his nickname for me) as he runs towards me. Two year olds can't fake pure happiness, so you know it's real! Sometimes I get nervous if I haven't seen him in a week or two that he'll forget....but he never does! Did you know you can have inside jokes with a 2 year old? You totally can...and it's extremely heart warming. Being an Aunt to my two perfect nephews is one of my biggest joys in life. They came just at the right time, and now I could not imagine my life without them.
It's nice that one of my best friends also watches Des, and my other friend tags along, so the 3 of us have some time to catch up together when I'm home to help out on the weekends.
We all have different directions that we want to go with our lives. I find this nice in a friendship. We encourage each other in different ways and have different strong points. My friend Olivia is an amazing actress, Peggy is in school to become a counselor, and I'm on my road hoping to become an Osteopathic Physician.
I'm still praying for an interview; but today I had the opportunity to meet with the assistant dean of admissions again. One of the reasons I love this school is because they take a holistic approach to admitting students. So, for example, if you don't have the highest GPA (but it's still decent) they will consider other factors of your application that contribute to your aptitude to become a physician. Because of this approach, someone like myself who had a slight GPA drop when I went through a really difficult time my junior year of college and worked full time while studying for the MCAT, are still considered because of strengths in other times and other areas.
Yes, holistic means looking at the whole picture while still seeing the individual. Weird concept, right? Whole person--individualized. What will this person's strengths bring as a whole to our school from their individual experiences? Grades are very important, but grades aren't the whole person. Would you prefer the physician with the 45 MCAT and 4.0 GPA who spent his entire life in the books and has no other world/people experience or the physician with slightly lower scores but plenty of experiences leading them to be a more well rounded individual? Okay, okay--there's definitely people with 4.0s that are very well rounded...I'm just trying to make myself feel better!
When asked what osteopathy is, many have the same answer: "A holistic approach to health". It is! But what does holistic mean?? That's such a broad term!
I like to put it this way in my case--
My mom is a vegan-health-nut who hardly ever relies on modern medicine. She leads a healthy life style and has an herbal remedy for EVERYTHING. Her health is a lifelong approach...but she also avoids doctors at all costs.
My grandfather is an MD. He relies solely on modern medicine. For every ailment he has a pill, prescription, or procedure. He does not believe in any herbal remedies.
Then there's me. After years of hearing my mom and grandpa bicker over the dinner table, along with my own insight, I was able to formulate my own approach to medicine. I believe in a preventative, healthy lifestyle that encompasses all mental, physical, and spiritual aspects of health. I believe the body and the mind are intimately connected and overall wellness is vitally dependent on this connection. I trust that there are natural remedies to maintain and regain optimal health. I also believe whole heartily in the amazing advancements of modern medicine. To me osteopathy is a marriage between the two extremes.
The way I feel about it is, why should a doctor only be there when things go wrong? Why shouldn't we take the initiative to be more invested in our patients' overall well being? We should encourage health, wellness, and preventative measures every step of the way. I'm going to be there and put every effort into healing those avoidable, and unavoidable illnesses. But people have to start taking responsibility for their health. I've seen too many people close to me die of preventative illness. As doctors we can't assume that what is common knowledge to us is so to our patients. Patients need guidance-- a good example set for them as their physician. They need to know when their health is not optimal that a physician will take an individualized, proactive approach to healing them. Maybe that involves more exercise, a lifestyle/diet change, some OMM, and incorporating herbal remedies. Yes, pills, prescriptions are necessary but should not be the only choice. It's caring enough about your patients to make sure they aren't dependent on you only for a prescription but also for advice and guidance on their overall journey of health. This is what medicine always meant to me: finding the root of the issue and putting the pieces together to create a healing story. The osteopathic principles should go beyond the office and into your life; I live them. I exercise all options to make sure I'm healthy: physically, mentally, emotionally. Holistic doesn't just mean taking herbs instead of pills, it's caring enough about yourself that it translates to your patients. It's looking at each medical issue from the root outward, realizing the interconnectedness of the entire body. It's using science based knowledge. It's remembering health is a lifelong journey, not simply a destination. The physician should be the guide and the fixer and do so because they care. It's not an I approach, it's a we approach.
An ideal physician is an individual who does not simply care about the business of medicine, but remembers that medicine is for the patient and the people that he/she interacts with daily. Being a doctor requires compassion, emotional stability, being a good listener, patience, collectivity under stress, and overall intelligence. A physician should take part in trying to abolish current public health concern such as preventable illness and health disparities. Through my many shadowing experiences I have seen many doctor-patient relationships. I have seen the frustration in a patient when a doctor tries to rush them or does not treat them with the utmost respect. Alternatively, I have seen doctors who take the time to listen and appreciate each of their patients, worrying about the quality of the patient experience, not the quantity. The doctors who act this way are the ones that the patients are more comfortable with, which leads to more beneficial outcomes. The physician must also have a very sharp mind and continuously learn throughout his/her career, keeping updated with new research and findings.
Wow, I went on a real rant there. Anyways! I'll show what I wore today to my meeting:

The sweater and black pants were gifts (Black|White)
The flats are from H&M

To my Nephew's Birthday party (and likely to be repeated on Valentine's Day when I sit home with a tub of ice cream) I wore:

These photos aren't great, but...
Dress $3.00 H&M !!
Polka dot tights-$10.00 Target
Boot Socks-$3.00 Target
Booties-$30.00 Cotton On
Cardigan is also from target
A girl at the restaurant said the dress looked like it was made for me. If a $3.00 dress looks like it was made for me I will be an easy customer when wedding dress shopping.

Another outfit this past week:

The top reminded me of spring and was wishful-wearing. It's from Tobi.com.

The Long Search for Camo Pants

1/25/2015

There's a story behind these pants. I had been searching stores for them since October. Generally, when I want an item of clothing I can find it easily if you allot me an hour to peruse the internet or a few trips to different malls. These elusive pants escaped my sight and the racks of all clothing stores for many months.
They were inspired by a Pinterest outfit, which I loved--thinking it was cute and edgy. Additionally, I saw a medical student rocking camo pants to one of my club meetings. At first I thought they were strange, but after seeing him wear them a few different ways (including with chambray and with leather) I was slightly more urged to purchase a pair of my own. I realize now how creepy it sounds that I walk around copying men's outfits. We were friends at the time, though, and I must give credit where it's due even if I'd like to think I am the creative one.
While Christmas shopping in December my eyes were quickly drawn away from the sweater I was buying for my Mother to a subtle shelf on the side of H&M. Low and behold--there they were--in all their army glory, my camo pants. H&M, my favorite store, never fails me.
Except this time--the pants were not in my size.
I went to another H&M, and another. I searched online but they were an in store only item.
Finally, I settled for a size too big, hoping desperately that they would shrink.
I wanted these bad boys to be perfect, though. I had waited this long for them. I called around all the H&Ms in a 25 mile radius. Turns out, the store where I had initial seen them had gotten a pair in my size. I rushed there and exchanged the bigger size for the perfect size. Happily ever after?
Not exactly.
I was overcome with such joy that I had these pants that I did not think to inspect them. When I tried them on at home A BACK POCKET WAS MISSING. Yes, just one lonely back pocket leaving one weird, bare butt cheek. I went back to H&M AGAIN but turns out that uni-pocket pair was the only one left in my size. I tried to argue that I shouldn't have paid full price for the defective pair, but the damage was done.
I'm making the best of the situation--I looked so long and hard for these damn pants that it makes sense that I have a "unique" pair. Plus, everyone probably thinks that's how they're supposed to be. I would've if I hadn't ever laid eyes on the perfect pair.
I have already worn them twice. Once to my cousin's birthday party of bowling/beer garden fun. Another time this past Friday to a local bar where I planned a fundraiser for my club which supported diabetes prevention and intervention workshops for people in the Dominican Republic. The fundraiser had a decent turn out--but a lot of people were deterred by the snow.

Camo Pants--H&M $20.00
Leather Jacket--Century 21 $46.00
I can't deny--I bought the jacket specifically to pair with the pants. However, I've made plenty of other use of it since.

This was a more casual way of rocking them.
T-Shirt-Cotton On $5.00
Booties-Cotton On $30.00

Lastly, another two outfits worn this week to class and one of FIMRC's general meetings were:

The top makes me feel like princess Jasmine. It's from Tobi.com, though I don't remember the price. The necklace is Lucky, and the pants are from H&M at $7.00.

The shirt is from Marshalls, but that was a while back. I believe at $13.00.
I wore this one as I walked into admissions to check my application status. A couple of my closest girlfriends (who have completed the program I am currently in) just heard back and have gotten interviews! I'm so happy for them! Hopefully we'll all be in class together next year. Pray for them that their interviews go well and for me that I get one soon! :)

Back at it

1/21/2015

My break was wonderfully filled with family, friends, shopping, trips, laughter, food, and drinks. I felt like I was in college again--having nothing to do for 3 weeks--but, luckily, that nothing time was filled with happiness.
Undeniably, I was itching to get back to my apartment. I enjoy my own space, my own routine, and cooking for myself. Additionally, I did not get off my butt and exercise the entire break (I'm not part of a gym at home and lord knows I don't run outside in this weather) so it's nice to be able to work-it-out again.
This time starting classes I have a better idea of what is expected of me, how to study, and what exams will be like. Yes, we have different professors and different classes (some seemingly more challenging) but there is less wriggle room. Plus, I've established relationships with people I know will keep me accountable to studying, which is supremely vital.
There is something I enjoy about the break and re-make of a routine. I like switching from home to school and from school to home. I like being the new girl in a situation, but I also like to come back to find familiar faces. I remember when I first started college thinking, Nobody knows me, I can be anybody I want to be. Now that I have a much better idea of who I am that thought doesn't cross my mind--more of I don't know anyone, I wonder what type of people I'll meet and what type of relationships I'll make.
My ultimate concern at the moment is that I haven't heard back from admissions yet, especially as it is getting later in the application cycle. Send prayers and good vibes my way on that one. I'm going to pop into admissions today to see what's going on. The hardest part is letting go and trusting that God has the right path for me, and that I'm on it, though I have trouble not being able to view my steps ahead. I know it in my head, I'm trying to believe it more in my heart. It's easy to look back and see why things happened the way they did, but looking forward into the unknown is much more difficult.
Last night a group of about 20 of us from my program went to a restaurant in Philly for a fellow classmate's birthday. I must admit, I had a difficult time the first couple days making myself look presentable for class. I got myself together last night though, and plan to continue to do so.

Simple, comfy, and cute. Though, when I got dressed it was about 45 out...later at night I froze my tush off.
The booties are from Cotton On $30.00

Lounging

1/5/2015

I have been extremely lazy the past few days. I am watching "Rio" with my nephew, for the third time this week, as we speak. I enjoy the time off, but the sedentary behavior is beginning to get to me. One more week until class begins. My grades have been posted--meaning I do not have to wake up in a cold sweat anymore. I have time to write articles for Elite Daily (I'm a contributor now),take day trips, hang with my nephews, and catch up with friends and family.
I've been enjoying the North Jersey/New York foods all too much. Knowing that I'll go into serious pizza and bagel withdrawal once I travel down south, I've been stocking up. May or may not have popped a belt loop on my jeans trying to hoist them up the other day...
To dinner in Queens last night I wore:

Necklace and Bracelets were gifts (Lucky and White|Black)
T-Shirt-Target (a long time ago)
Sweater-H&M $15.00
Leather Leggings-Cotton On $15.00
Kitten Heels-Vince Camuto (A heel any higher than this and I'm confused for the Jolly Green Giant)

Inner Gatsby

1/3/2015

My voice sounds very raspy and sexy. I've had laryngitis the past week, and it's really brought out my alter ego.
While perusing the H&M clearance rack a fluffy pink jacket caught my eye. My little sister expressed that it "looked like the easter bunny threw up", and I begrudgingly moved on.
Unfortunately, I am the type who dwells on an article of clothing, and if I don't buy it initially, I will likely go back for it.
The pink jacket danced through my mind-- I went back for it the next day.
My friend lives in NYC, and I hadn't seen her apartment since she moved in. Last night I went to visit her and we galavanted in Gramercy. While introducing myself to her friends and others, I did not apologize for my 'rasp, I embraced it and pretended it was my all-the-time voice.

The rasp, jacket, and fake lashes left me feeling fab. I missed New York; Philly is my side chick.
Jacket-H&M $15.00
Necklace-H&M $5.00
Tank-J. Crew (Thanks, Olivia!)

Happy New Year, Happy Me!

1/2/2015

I hate the expression "New year, new me", implying simply that a change in date leads directly to a change in person. This expression disregards the fact that the past year, and years, have contributed to the person whom is stepping forward into 2015.
I prefer to state, "New year, improved me", giving praise to the years past and how they have sculpted my being, leading me into 2015 with lessons learned, yet much, much more to mold.

I'm ready for it.

14 is my favorite number. My "lucky" number, we'll say. I was born on the 14th, and good things coincidentally seem to happen to me regarding the number "14". For example, I had locker number 14 when I took my best MCAT, I had a $14,000 scholarship in college, the best wine I ever tasted was $14.00, 14 was my basketball jersey number in high school (okay, let's NOT talk about that one)...you get the picture.
Being that 14 is my jam, I assumed that something magical would happen to me in 2014. It was MY year! I thought I'd meet my soul mate, get accepted into medical school, run a marathon, or win the lottery.
I guess I limited myself there by not purchasing any lottery tickets (Dammit, Vanessa!)
None of those things happened. I'm soul-mateless, not in med school, definitely didn't run a marathon, and I'm wallowing in debt.
I can't discredit 2014 completely, in fact, it WAS a great year. I just expected 2014 to be a bit more meaningful. As seen in my Birthday Post I learned a lot, improved myself, and proceeded further towards my goals.
I was never big on New Year's Resolutions. I have a few simple ones that I'd like to chip away at (curse less, travel more, stop fabricating stories, put down the phone, pick up the weights, read more, pursue my goals, volunteer, etc.)
My biggest one, as always, is to be happier. Being happy encompasses every aspect of your life. It is the one-stop-shop for resolutions. This is because being happy means changing yourself, your actions, the way you treat people and situations, and, in turn, your attitude.
I was sitting at dinner with a close friend the other night who had not seen me in a while. We spent time catching up, sharing life stories, and expressing future goals. After some time she looked over my face inquisitively, and when her eyes made contact with mine she stated, quite matter-of-fact, "You seem happy". She pressed further with a sincere curiosity, "How did you become so happy? You always say, 'You need to find happiness with yourself before finding it with someone else', how do I do that?"
Talk about a loaded question.
I spewed back a few cliche statements as I attempted to formulate an appropriate response. I gave her the basics, as if I am some happiness guru (spoiler alert--I'm not), and the conversation moved on.

To my dear friend, and anyone else looking to improve their happiness in 2015, here are a list of a few things I've picked up so far, and want to continue to improve, to contribute to my happiness.

Have a routine, but occasionally break it. If you don't have a full time job, or a consistent schedule, it is extremely difficult to keep yourself on a routine. I, for example, only have night classes, and could easily sleep in all day. However, I try to wake up early every morning, have my coffee, my work out, and get my day started. On the days I do get to sleep in--the days I break my routine and do something different--I appreciate those moments that much more.
Be thankful for everything. A thankful heart is a happy one. Wake up each morning being thankful for where you are, all you have, and every experience. When I start my mornings with gratitude, appreciating and thanking God for whatever comes to mind, it sets the tone for a happier day where I can be thankful for everything that goes right, and find a way to be grateful for the things that go wrong.
Do a little of what you love every day. This is a big one. Take a half hour to do whatever it is you enjoy each day and those bright moments will contribute to a more cheerful 24 hours. When you look forward to having this relaxation time, the tougher times become more manageable. Read more in this post: Happy Now, Happy Later.
Experience more, document less. I'm bad at this one. I always whip out my phone to Snap Chat my experiences. I want to stop this. Sure, it's great to take a few pics...but everybody does not need to know what I'm doing all the time. I want to try new things (I'm trying snowboarding next week!), galavant through nature more, travel, and taste new foods. I want to see the world through my own eyes, not the screen of my iPhone.
Get closer to your short term, and long term goals every day. A large contributor to my happiness is knowing that I'm working towards something. If every day you know that you are working towards something you want, you will end the day with confidence that you're making a difference and carving your own path. We can't expect things to be handed to us...if I want to run a marathon, I'm going to train every day. I want to be a doctor; I'm going to study every day. Accomplish those small victories daily, and your heart will smile knowing that you're a small, or big, step closer. And continue to set goals for yourself forever.
Take care of your body. Nobody is taking my Taco Bell away from me. We all know how much I love junk food. I see it as a treat, though. Eat a healthy, balanced diet and you will feel great from the inside out. Don't deprive yourself of anything forever, though. Treat yourself to that Taco Bell occasionally, and it will taste SO much more delicious. Exercise for YOU, and stop comparing yourself to other people.
Nourish your soul. This means different things for different people. I like to start my morning reading my Bible or devotions book. I'd also like to start meditating. Spirituality is scientifically proven to be linked to happiness. Find your spirit, nourish it, and that peace will be exuded out of you. Knowing there are things in life bigger than you puts much into perspective.
Be friendly, meet new people, but stay in touch with old friends. You have billions of people to choose from, billions of people with different experiences from you, billions of people with new stories. Open up your heart and be willing to meet new people and learn from them. BE FRIENDLY. A simple smile and hello will cause countless people to find you approachable. I walk around smiling and random people literally tell me their life stories. I get that from my mother. It feels nice though, I like when people open up to me. As for the people already in your life, remove the toxic ones who tear you down. They are easier to recognize as you get older. Keep in touch with those who you can laugh with, who encourage you to be your best self, and those you can trust. Don't let these amazing people fade out of your life.
Stop talking about people, start talking about ideas. I need to work on this. At first, eliminating gossip from your conversation may seem comparable to eliminating cheese from macaroni and cheese, but soon you find that when you stop talking about people, the conversation becomes much richer, and you feel better about yourself.
Be resilient. When "bad" things happen don't dwell. Do not let sadness and disappointment get the best of you. Look at situations in a constructive manner, How can I resolve this? What are my next steps? What can I do so this doesn't happen again? How Can I do better next time? Learn lessons from every situation, find a way to move on, and do it. The bad things will stop seeming so bad when you look at them as opportunities to improve.
Be optimistic. If you're a pessimist, fake it until you make it. Look at everything life throws at you with a positive spin and eventually you will truly find the good in everything. Be willing to help, hard working, and take every task assigned to you with a cheerful heart. See the positives in other people (even if you have to REALLY look). Be happy for other people (I know, my whole news feed is engagements too...). Stop complaining!
Spend less time over analyzing, and more time speaking what's on your mind. I'm not sure what goes on in the male 20-something brain, but speaking for myself, and many of my female friends, we tend to over-analyze. I think I've gotten better at this...but can surely still use some work. Instead of being angry at your friend and sending passive aggressive messages, be straight up. Confront people with what's on your mind in a calm, non-attacking manner, and work through your problems so that there is nothing to over analyze. Respect yourself and your relationships enough to know you can improve them. When you are honest about the way you feel with others, they will eventually share the mutual respect and be honest with you, giving you less to over analyze, and more room to grow. As for boys...stop reading into everything they say, and stop waiting around for them to make the first move or send the first text. I'm a firm believer in the fact that if a guy wants to talk to you, he WILL find a way to. If he hasn't, why don't you text him? If your options for the evening involve staying in alone and waiting for this kid to text you, or you growing a pair and asking him if he wants to go out, why not? Worst case, he says no, and you spend your night how you would have initially. His loss, you're awesome, and your take-out disco fries will taste better anyway. Just don't give the guy too many chances, speak your mind with dignity (don't drunkenly text I LOVE YOU), and you'll be happy to find that people will stop playing games with you.
Be forgiving, and see other peoples' sides of the story. Practice putting yourself in other peoples' shoes and seeing things from their perspective. Even if you can't understand a person's actions or motives, forgive. Never harbor anger or hatred, it's poisonous. Forgiveness is more important for you than the other. It doesn't mean you have to keep the person in your life, or allow them to treat you the same. It doesn't even mean they have to say sorry. It means you're saying to yourself: What they did was wrong, but I'm not going to let that bother me anymore, I'm bigger than that. You'll feel light as a feather.
Think before you speak and act. Never speak out of anger, fear, or shock. Take a deep breath before you'll say something you regret. Words are powerful and we can't take them back. We can't take angry emails back, either.
Practice kind acts. This one is simple: do nice things, feel nice. It can be as little bringing a coffee to someone having a bad day, or as big as taking a missions trip to a developing country. Do little nice things every day, and big ones occasionally. You'll be happy knowing you contributed to someone else's happiness.
Encourage others. I cannot emphasize this one enough. ENCOURAGE OTHER PEOPLE. You can often tell how a person feels about themselves by the way they speak to others. If a girl is calling another girl "gross" or accusing her of having an eating disorder because she's thin, that girl clearly lacks self confidence. Please, please stop doing this. Let's encourage each other, praise each others accomplishments, accentuate each others great qualities, and stop focusing so much on image. Especially as women. We are such a strong force when we can be kind to one another, let's PLEASE start building each other up, stop the smack talk, and we will all be a lot happier about ourselves. Stop tearing people down. When you make people feel good about themselves, when you point out their awesome attributes, they will WANT to be around you. Do it.
Practice cleanliness and organization. Clean home-clean head.
Stand up for yourself, and stop doing things because you "feel bad". Learn to say no. Do things because you want to, because you will benefit, not because you're intimidated or "feel bad" for someone else. It's good to be there for people...to an extent. Don't get taken advantage of, know your self worth.
Don't base your happiness on anybody else. Happiness is self sustained. No person can give it to you. If you're not happy now, a boyfriend or girlfriend will not bring you joy. Relationships are better when two HAPPY people contribute to each others happiness. Don't feed off someone's spirit, it will just bring the both of you down.
"TREAT YOSELF" Tom Haverford and Donna Meagle said it best. Give yourself that R&R and tell yourself that you're awesome. Make yourself look nice (dress nice, comb your hair, throw on some gloss....something!). Exude confidence (not cockiness).

There are a ton of ways to find happiness, and everyone has to do that on their own, but I thought I'd share those few of mine that definitely help me wake up and go to sleep smiling. Now, for a few outfits:

This I wore out to dinner with my friend who inspired this post.
Top-H&M $10
Bag and booties were gifts :)

For New Years I was a bit more casual....I didn't want to hurt my ankle this year (as is New Years Tradition) so I wore flats.

It took me like 18 tries to make my lips match the shirt.

Top-H&M $13.00
Shorts-H&M $10.00
I did well at their sale! go!

Christmas Cheer

12/27/2014

I hope everyone had a fabulous Christmas!
I know I did. For the first time in a few years my whole family was together. I am so happy when all of us finally are in one room, it feels complete. Plus, our new addition, my nephew, got to spend his first Christmas with us here in NJ!
I love Christmas Eve because it's just as big of a celebration as Christmas day in my family. It's always at my Grandpa's home. We have the Italian 7 fish feast, pasta, rice balls, spinach pie, stroufolli.... you name it. We totally stuff ourselves with food, wine, and laughter. Santa comes with a comedy routine to give out presents each year (my lovely father), we have a grab bag (Shout out to Maria for gifting me a totally clutch portable wine cup!), and all 13 grandchildren get (and put on) matching PJs. The 13 of us took over the "adult table" by force this year once we realized how much we outnumbered them. This has been happening since long before I was born, and I hope the tradition continues in some form forever.
Here is what I wore on Christmas Eve:

Top-Forever 21 $10.00
Skirt-Forever 21 $18.00
Necklace-H&M $5.00
I bought the necklace first and totally built the outfit off of it. I should've accounted for the post-feast bloat when purchasing these sizes...I think I popped a few seams and could not wait to get into those PJs. Totally worth it.

Christmas day is a bit more relaxed. We have family at my house, but it's a total open-door policy. On top of family we have friends, and anyone who needs a place to eat a ton and drink while opening presents. The more the merrier. I love to provide my "White Christmas Sangria", as well as a large selection of winter craft beers. I snuck in Bacon-Cheddar-Ranch dip, and made buffalo chicken dip. They were huge hits but my mom nearly had a heart attack as her all-vegan appetizer spread was tainted by my delicious additions. Sorry, Ma--no one is fighting over the carrots. When I asked her if she needed any more help cleaning the house pre-guest arrival she snapped, "Do you even READ the ingredients of half the stuff you buy?!". I knew I was igniting fire with that bacon dip, but everyone was grateful.
Mom does an awesome job at vegan entrees and apps, though. There's never a shortage of food, and her orzo salad in anticipated all year long. Uncle Lewie comes bearing perogis, kielbasa, and the like. Uncle Dave brings Ham. So I wasn't the only one taking away from the brussels sprouts, sweet potatoes, and huge array of assorted vegetables. Of course, it all ends with the stragglers drinking the last of the beers and wine, picking on desserts, and breaking into the left overs as we chat about anything and everything until 2am.
Here's a picture of my outfit from Christmas Day:

Top-Annie Sez $8.00
Skirt-Cotton On $5.00!!!

I'm going to head to the mall to do some shopping now. Call me crazy, but the BEST deals happen between Christmas and New Years. All the stores are trying to rid themselves of things they didn't sell for Christmas--and I entirely reap the benefits. If you can stomach it, get out there.
In general the days between Christmas and New Years are great. For me it's a time to relax, be with family, shop, catch up with friends, and still enjoy the beauty of a decorated tree/a winter cocktail. For example--I got to watch movies, drink wine, order Mexican take-out, and cuddle up to a fireplace with my cousins last night. What's better than that? Nothing, the answer is nothing.

December 22nd, 2014

12/22/2014

I SURVIVED MY FIRST SEMESTER OF GRAD SCHOOL! I came out alive, more educated, and more pleased with myself. I learned a ton, and I'm grateful for the experiences I had and the many new friends I made. My school is filled with awesome people, and I'm happy that towards the end of the semester I was able to get to know a lot of them better.
Now I'm just waiting on my grades. I am the WORST when it comes to this. I refresh the page every two seconds and hope to see something. The sites are pulled up on my phone so that I can check wherever I am. To those with the self-control to keep themselves from checking until after Christmas/New Years: I commend you, but how the hell can you deal with the suspense?!
The Thursday before finals began my roommate and I threw a little holiday soiree at my apartment. I say little, but I believe over 40 people from school were squeezed in at one point. I LOVE throwing parties. I prefer to throw them than attend them. All things festive excite me. For example, my annual weenie wreath:

I like playing host. Maybe it's something about knowing you created the guest list and don't have to deal with people you don't want to see there. Plus, Christmas parties give me a reason to throw on a pair of antlers. We all know how I love hats.

Top-Charlotte Russe
Skirt-H&M
Antlers-Target ;)
At one point I came out of my room and 20 people were doing the electric slide so I'd say it was a success....I guess boxed wine really brings out your inner line dancer.

Here are a couple random things I wore through exams week. I was not looking too hot by Thursday night....between the lack of sleep, stress, minimal physical activity, terrible eating, and thrown off schedule I successfully put on my winter layer. Thank God, it's going to be a cold one. Need a a little tubb to get me through.

Sweater-Marshalls $16.00

Sweater-Forever 21 $20.00

The sweater was a hand-me-down from my aunt :)

These awesome green pants were only $10.00 at Annie Sez!
This last outfit was worn out to Philly--the whole school went to the same bar to celebrate being done with finals. My wallet was stolen. I wish they had taken all of my money instead of my license. I would pay to not have to go to the DMV. I also ended the night with a cheese burger AND mozzarella sticks...at 4 am. Because that was necessary.
I am now home at last, spending time with my family, and getting into the Christmas spirit. There is no sleep like post-finals sleep and I'm loving it.
Off to go buy some wrapping paper!

December 09th, 2014

12/9/2014

As winter is quickly closing in on us I know I have to get the dressing in floral out of my system. As a farewell to any sign of life in nature (I even managed to kill my cactus, how does one manage that?) I wore this floral skirt yesterday.

3 Outfits, One Pair of Booties

12/8/2014

Since starting grad school I've gone "out" significantly less. I constantly see my friends going out, and articles exuding that now is the time to explore every bar in every city. I want to explore every city, but I'm not sure I want to do it drunkenly. I envy my friends who live in NYC, Philly, and cities around the country. It's such a cool lifestyle I'd love to experience, but I know it's not conducive to my studies or finances right now. Visiting will have to do; make room on your couch, friends!
For my current situation of studying, this is the perfect place for it. Not too much goes on that I know of. My town at home isn't crazy either, but at home I'm a short ride from New York, Hoboken, etc.
If I really want to, my apartment is an easy train ride away from Philly.
I don't mind this though. I'd say I go OUT (like actually having to get dressed, not a beer at a dive bar) maybe once every 2 weeks. It's been nice. It's a lot less expensive.
In college I didn't think partying effected my studying. I did a LOT of it. Now I can see more clearly how it does. If I am planning on going out for the night I will cut my studying short around 6:00 pm, eat, get ready, etc. be out all night, get back late, sleep in, nurse a hangover (WHICH IS EXTREMELY DIFFICULT BECAUSE BAGELS DON'T EXIST DOWN HERE), and MAYBE start studying by 3:00 pm.
Contrarily, if I decided to have a quiet Friday evening, order chinese, decorate my apartment for Christmas, drink a winter beer and watch Elf (which is just as enjoyable, I think) I would stop studying around 8, do those activities, pass out early, and wake up at a decent hour to start studying again. See the difference?
Now when I go out, especially if it's with friends I haven't seen in a while, I enjoy it so much more. It's not routine, and I can actually get excited about it. I enjoy my quiet weekends, too. Being productive on the weekends keeps me from having the "Sunday Blues", I am also more content with myself when I have time to be in solitude and reflect.
This all being said, here are a few outfits I wore "out" recently. All with the same pair of shoes. I am a 5'8 amazon woman. I cannot wear heels. While towering over the rest of the population, I WILL fall, and likely WILL get kicked out of the bar (not because of drunkenness, because of my weak ankles that can't hang). This happened numerous times before I learned my lesson, but it makes footwear very difficult for nights out. I think it's God's way of telling me, "Vanessa, I made you tall enough, chill with the stilettos girlfriend". Okay, okay.
I usually stick with flat-boots in the winter, but I found these booties with just the tiniest kitten-heel and fell in love. There have been no falls to date, and I obviously put them through some serious dance moves.

Top-Tobi.com (check it out, their stuff is 40% off until Christmas)
Bandeau-Aerie (This is an necessary bandeau for life, highly recommended)
Leather Leggings-Cotton On
Booties-Steve Madden $35.00 (Boscovs)

Leather leggings are an essential winter piece. They are just as comfy as normal leggings, but really dress up the outfit. Essentially, they house my beer belly without me looking lazy. Everyone wins.

Winter shorts. What a wonderful concept.
Shorts-Francesca's (Gift)
Sweater-H&M $12.00
Chevron Tights-Forever 21 $7.00
Necklace-Lucky
Same Booties :)

How funky is this shirt?
I got it at a boutique for $7.50 (Down from $60.00, holllllla!)
See, that bandeau is a staple for shirts like this. Nobody needs to see my Tas.

December 07th, 2014

12/7/2014

My apologies for being the literal worst. I was so caught up in Thanksgiving break, homework, studying, etc. that I totally fell out of the habit of posting, for two whole weeks! Additionally, I didn't even take pictures of the majority of my outfits....some of which I really loved. I'll have to try to recreate them and post pictures.
I only took a picture of 3 outfits within the past couple weeks. Totally hating myself for it, because I don't even have my Thanksgiving/Thanksgiving Eve/Thanksgiving weekend ensembles up, but I'll throw a few random pics at ya and hope to get my stuff together for the remainder of the semester.

I think this was just a random class day. My hair was getting to a super awkward in between length so I cut it. The short hair is here to stay. I feel like it's just "me" now.

It's hard to tell here but it was a big, black, (but light) sweater from Cotton On $10
With "Leather" leggings, also from Cotton On $15.00
The bag was Annie Sez $ 10.00
Necklace Forever 21-$6.00
and Black boots.

I wore this for a presentation in one of my classes this past Tuesday.
Dress-H&M $12.00
Necklace-Gift from my little sis, Charming Charlie
Boots-Agaci $20.00
I wore my green army jacket over it for outerwear.

I know, super basic monogrammed shirt. I WAS in a sorority though. Give me a break. Sometimes we need to let our basic-ness shine. I was hoping to wear this with a plaid blanket scarf I ordered, but it still hasn't come in(probably because it's from Korea, imitation Zara...)! I thought the green and gold were Christmas-y, and I, of course, rocked antlers as soon as I got there. My aunt once dubbed me: Vanessa Always-Wearing-a-Freakin'-Hat Orbe. What can I say, I like to be festive!
This was comfy and I wore it to volunteer at a Christmas party for children with cancer. I made crafts and played with them all day, and it was a heart-warming way to get into the Christmas spirit.

Shirt-Etsy $16.00
Jeans-Flying Monkey $7.50 (Originally $80.00!!)

Which reminds me...another pair of boutique jeans I purchased for $5.00:

I realized this outfit looked a little, very crazy so I didn't get too far in it.
HOWEVER, an example of $5.00 jeans (Romeo and Juliet) down from $90.00, and a $3.50 sweater down from $130!! Purchased at Annie Sez during the off-season (summer).
When someone told me they liked my "snuggie thing" in reference to my sweater I knew it was time to get changed.

Once again, sorry for the wait! I'll try to recreate and post the rest of my outfits from the past couple weeks!

Blazer Swag

11/24/2014

I'm super excited to go home for Thanksgiving. It is my absolute favorite holiday. Starting with going out on Thanksgiving eve, to the parade in the morning, Alice's Restaurant, time with family, and completely stuffing my face. It would be no surprise to me if I were told that my caloric intake on Thanksgiving is 6 figures. I love stuffing more than most humans. Nothing will stop me, I'm a Thanksgiving monster. Even last year....I had to fit in a bridesmaid dress the day after Thanksgiving. That didn't stop me. Thank God for Spanx.
What I hate is packing to go home. Does anyone else get serious packing anxiety?? Especially when you know there's a series of events you'll have to look nice for? Help. I'm hyperventilating just thinking about it.
I'm about to start the mayhem of completely overpacking. Here's what I'm wearing today:

Happy Now, Happy Later

11/24/2014

This will sound cliché, but don't lose the person you are in looking for the person you want to become.
I know, corny.
However, I've been thinking about it a lot lately. A lot of us get so wrapped up in deadlines, in exams, in the future that we forget to be happy in the now. There's a lot of pressure on us to do well. Whatever it is we're doing, we have to do it "better", harder, more successfully. We begin to push our favorite things aside in order to achieve these goals...but what about when we reach them? Will these achievements have lost their luster because of how we've changed in order to get them?
I used to psych myself out about exams, assignments, everything. I'd give myself so much anxiety that I'd become sick. I thought each exam defined me and my future career. Whenever I didn't do well my thoughts went to worst scenario. I've learned that everything really does work out, better than we thought, and we can't dwell on things we can't change. Life has a way of giving second, or third, chances and unfolding better than we could've planned. Each exam counts, each work project counts, it all counts...but not to the extent we make it in our minds. We have to learn from our mistakes and prep better; we can change the future, not the past. We have to be happy with our paths right now, with our persona right now, because if we aren't...reaching these goals will only bring temporary satisfaction.
So, I challenge myself, and anyone who bothers to read, this to find happiness NOW. Do what you love in the process of your career goals. I want to be a doctor more than anything in the entire world, it is my ultimate goal. Yet, I know that if I were to lose myself in the process I wouldn't be a great one. I have to keep ME in it.
Do what you love a little bit everyday. These spurts of happiness distract us and inspire us, reminding us that that audition, that project, that test, that presentation, that whatever-it-is that you must defeat is not standing in the way of your goals. Enjoy working for your goals, look at it as positive stress. Take your outside interests and let that culture flow into your career, bring in the creativity you've gained in experiences, travel, and hobbies. I love fashion, writing, cooking, running, conversations over coffee, nature. You may love reading, music, painting, animals...whatever keeps you sane, whatever lights that spark in you, whatever contributes to who you are, outside of the career that "defines" you, DO IT. Do it often, find happiness now, and encouragement to be your better self in the future.
Oh, and dress for the job you want ;)

I have to be subtle with the way I dress for Giants games around here, plus I love wearing skirts on sundays.

It's My Blog, I Can Post What I Want To

11/23/2014

I've been bad this week. I keep forgetting to post. I'm not even that busy....last night I went to see the new Hunger Games and then just chilled on my couch and wrote.
On social media lately I see a million articles about love, dating, relationships, etc. Everyone has an opinion on how to find "the one", how to be "the one". Everyone has their perspective on what a good relationship entails, and how to flee from a bad one.
My question...what about us? What about ME? What about finding ourselves without anyone else? How about we become so sure about who we are and what we want that we don't need somebody's blog (like mine) to tell us the qualities of the right guy or girl. People found the proper mates long before social media told them how to.
Just because we date people doesn't mean we have to give them our whole soul each time. If we are confident enough in ourselves that we won't base our happiness or goals on any relationship, strong enough that nobody will come in and completely break or change us, knowing enough that each date doesn't mean forever, then why not see what's out there?

What is it about falling for people that we crave? Maybe it’s that rush of connection, when you realize you can have an easy conversation…someone gets your sarcasm or whit and can throw it back at you, and immediately your mind spins to wondering if they’ll ask for your number and continue the banter electronically. I think it’s our own ego half the time. Hey, this person thinks I’m cool. That deserves them a chance.

Whatever it is, I’m obsessed with that feeling.You hate it in the moment…the uncertainty. After though, the butterflies are missed. This doesn’t happen often with me. When it does, it’s usually with a guy who gets me on a surface level. He’s polite and respectful. He’s his own person with his own ideals. He understands my humor and can give it back to me. He is someone who gets my quirks, and has his own. He has similar interests as mine, and can appreciate them…yet has his own interests and passions that I want to know more about. He's his own person without a woman. This person must understand my ambition, appreciate my path, and have a driven, ambitious attitude and path of their own. I don’t care what you want to be, just want to be it, and want to work to be the best at it.

I guess that’s just it. These bits may seem deep, but they’re actually extremely surface. These are just qualities, but there is a lot behind the qualities, experiences, mistakes, that made them this way. It’s easy to see how people present themselves upfront. They can say they have the same views on relationships as you, seem very open and non-judgmental, seem like a happy person…but they could be just great at putting on a show. That’s why we don’t get married after the first date. There’s so much more to people than what they say.

Obviously, there’s deal breakers that would not pass the check point of getting me onto a first date. If they pass those, that I previously mentioned, then it’s easy to say yes. On the other hand, if they are pompous and talk over me while pretending they give a damn about anything besides my booty then it’s not going to happen.

I feel like a Robert Palmer song, instead of being “Addicted to Love” I’m more addicted to getting to know people and to them getting to know me. Analyzing them. This goes for new friendships as well. I love that spark, that moment when you realize you connect with someone. It could be something as small as a love for Michael Jackson, or as big as your views on spirituality. It can even be your points of disagreement, but realizing you can have a structured debate with a person that only teaches you more about them, their point of view, and their willingness to hear you out. Their ideas, their experiences, their outlook. It’s that feeling that you get of connection, of learning from someone, of knowing they're learning from you. That’s not love though, that’s learning.

When it comes down to it, I’m so afraid to be in love. I’m afraid to be committed and I’m afraid to be long term. Not because I want to be with many people, I don't. I’ve been hurt in the past, I’ve been belittled and muted, I’ve hurt others. I don’t think I’m afraid of heartbreak…because I am able to move on easily, because I know myself. What I’m most afraid of is mediocrity. Of “love”, of hanging out with the same person every day, of running out of ways to connect, of knowing always when that person will call, of comfortability. When you hold hands and look into each others’ eyes and don’t feel a butterfly. I understand, this is what inevitably happens. I know, there are beautiful benefits, I know eventually I will want this, but right now I’m not ready for it. I’ve been in long term relationships, I’ve said “I love you” all too often, but I don’t know if I meant it. If I meant it, I would’ve fought harder for it, found reasons to stay, found the richness of the comfortability after the excitement fades. There’s so much beauty in marriage, I know when I find the right person I’ll find that. I know that’s what I want in the long run. Maybe when that happens I won’t clam up at the first sign of comfortability, and step back as soon as they seem to be stepping forward.

For now, I’m finding me. On my journey to find me, and exactly what I want, I’m learning from others. Why not go on a million dates? Why not make a million new friends? Why not spend Saturday nights alone, learning about yourself? Find what you want, what you don’t, and someone you wouldn’t mind spending forever with. I have no idea who that is, so I’m enjoying the ride.

Dress AcCORDingly

11/19/2014

It's that time of year again. The frost has set. The time when getting out of your warm bed is quite possibly the worst moment of the day, when stepping on cold tile without socks may as well be a death sentence, when it's dark before 4:00 pm,when leaving the steamy shower it feels like an arctic wind takes over you, when iced coffee is a distant memory, when the static of a puffy coat ruins every hair do, and when your fashion has to shift to keep you warm and, somehow, cute.
It's not all bad. There's some articles of clothing that, I think, are supremely appropriate for this type of cold. I know, I'm being dramatic, but it was 25 degrees last night and the walk from class to my car made me feel like a damn eskimo. Don't get me wrong--I LOVE New Jersey. I love the seasons, the changes....I just wish it didn't get as cold. It only makes me appreciate the summers a bit more. I could not live in a world without sweaters, scarves, and boots. In fact, I think I'm infinitely less creative when it comes to summer fashion. Hopefully I'll have a style-awakening before it heats up again.
I tried to run in this weather.....HA! I guess it's just time for me to hibernate. After 3 miles I couldn't move my fingers, my nose was running, my lungs hurt. Major props to you runners out there on days like today...it's back to the treadmill for me.
I whipped out the corduroys for this cold. They really do keep your legs warm. I still can't find olive ones....but these classics are just as great..

Simple, but warm.
White Sweater-H&M $10.00
Scarf-Flea Market $5.00
Navy Flats-Lucky $45.00
Cords-H&M Gift

Say Yes to the Sweater Dress

11/17/2014

One of the problems with my being a perpetual student, or employee only in scrubs, is that I have barely any "work" clothes. I think there are so many cute, fun ways to do business casual...but I rarely have to, so my wardrobe is lacking in this area.
I attended Grand Rounds today because it was a topic of interest to me: "Pregnancy and Ethnic Health Disparities: The Role of Nutrition and Inflammation". OB/GYN and health disparities...totally my thing. Minority health is a big interest of mine that I researched a lot in undergrad.
I wanted to dress at least business casual....even though a lot of people showed up in jeans and gym shorts. I'd always rather be overdressed then underdressed. Everyday is important, why not remind yourself of that by wearing something nice?

Besides that fact that I look slightly like Robin Hood I think it did the trick.
Sweater-dress-H&M
Belt-H&M
Brown Tights-Target
Scarf-Marshalls

Peasantry

11/14/2014

My Aunt Janis taught me at a very young age, "When someone gives you a compliment, just say THANK YOU". Don't argue, disagree, or make a fuss. Simply, thank you. Isn't it awkward when you tell someone they look nice and they combatfuly disagree with you? Then you both stare at each other like....welp.
I'm usually pretty good about this...but I was pretty flustered yesterday and totally fell into the trap. A woman told me she liked my outfit "with the high socks". I, without thinking, blurted out "REALLY?! I think I look like a peasant!". Nice one, Vanessa. We awkwardly walked away from each other....but come on, this outfit is totally peasant-esque. That's what I was going for though...

Totally went bowling in this after class...the high socks really complimented those sexy bowling shoes.

Cardigan-Target $20.00
Dress-Joyce Leslie $5.00 (!!)
Socks-Forever 21 $4.00 (are we noticing my high-sock obsession yet?)
Oxfords-Marshalls $16.00

November 12th, 2014

11/12/2014

Ahhh yes another set of exams have gone by when I have gotten dressed, yet failed to post anything about it. I'm breathing a sigh of relief now that they're all done, but then I'm like "wait a second, I'm bored, I have nothing to do". That lasts until class tomorrow, and then the work piles on again. I enjoy the few moments of relaxation I get.
This week is all a blur but I will share some outfits I wore while living in the library. Though, I can only remember the few I took pictures of...yep, literal blur.

New FAV nail color for fall: OPI Skyfall. Perfect Oxblood shade.
This sweater was a gift from my lovely cousin Cassie. She is born a fashionista. She never ceases to amaze me with her fashion brilliance, and I don't think I've ever seen the girl wear the same thing twice. She's had style since we were kids; one of those who can pull just about any look off, and always keeps you guessing! I WILL feature some of her fantastic outfit ideas soon.

Those boots are a little crazy but I only wore this to the library on a Saturday where nobody would see me....They are Guess from a couple years back and make me feel like Santa.

I'm literally a walking naked palette half of the time. At my old job our uniform was an awful beige polo (with our names embroidered in) and black scrub pants. Everyone complained, but those were TOTALLY my colors.

Totally got Taco Bell all over this one last night. What's a all-nighter without fourth meal?

There aren't many guarantees in life, but here's one: If my hair is curled, I did not wash it that day. In this case, 2 days. Exams will get to you. I wish I was one of those people who got emotional or stressed and can't eat....however, I'm quite the opposite. I drown my emotions and stresses in fast food and gain about 10 pounds each exams week. Back to the exercise tomorrow, can't have it all.
Today I dressed up a bit because I got drinks and food with a couple girls after our last exam. I am now happily snuggled in bed.

Ohh yeah, sources:
Crop Sweater-Cotton On $5.00 (Shop there!!! So cheap and great. I buy always off the clearance rack and have never paid more than $10.00 for anything!)
Boyfriend Jeans-H&M $40.00
Oxfords-Marshalls $16.00

Chambray Every Day

11/5/2014

I LOVE chambray. A chambray button-down is an absolute wardrobe must. It can be paired countless ways. I have 2 chambray shirts and they are likely the most worn items in my closet. I feel this outfit dressed me up a bit for my study-class-study regimen yesterday, and was still comfortable.

Top-Forever 21 $20.00
Pants-H&M $15.00
Mocassins-Minnetonka
Scarf-Gift

November 04th, 2014

11/4/2014

I keep backwards posting...instead of my outfit today I'm posting yesterday's. It just gives me something to do while I drink my morning coffee and before I go to the gym. This is why I dig student life. Med school and grad school get a bad rep for being the most stressful time of your life. I, for one, highly disagree. Yes exams are stressful, as well as the competition and pressure. Yes, there is a ton to keep up with and a lot expected of you. If you're passionate about what you're doing, though it will be a lot easier to get through.
While working full time I never could sit, have a morning coffee, relax and reflect. The gym was rushed, I was always tired, and I had trouble focusing on studying. In undergrad...don't get me started. I was so highly involved on and off campus, working, and had too big of a social life. I don't have all that here...and for once, it's nice. I wake up and have my coffee, work out, study until class, go to class, and study a bit after. Sometimes the repetition gets to me, but I'm much more relaxed now and feel I have time to focus on myself Studying isn't stressful because I keep up with it.. There's no social pressure because everyone here is in the same boat. It's nice to be able to take a coffee break from studying and sit down with a fellow student who has great perspectives and experiences in medicine as well. I love sharing and learning from others. It feels so much better to uplift and encourage each other than it does to be in competition; I think this school encourages that. We may all be on the same track now, but we all had different experiences that have lead us here. Plus, science jokes...we all get them. It's corny and fabulous.
So, for one of my very typical days yesterday, I wore this:

This was kind of thrown together from my closet so I can't say I remember where it's all from. The basic idea is: sweater dress, tights, flannel, and boots. I think the infinity scarf and leg warmers make it a bit more put-together.